Home (?)

The idea of home has become fuzzy. I'm trying to think back to when it started and I think it was when I graduated high school. I was still "home" but I lived in a dorm with someone I was only kind of friends with and my best friends were miles and miles away.

I made it through college feeling pretty comfortable in my "home" even though I was back in my bedroom at my parents' house with my little sister. I moved into what should have been my own "home" last summer; an adorable apartment in a really amazing location that is only a little bit too expensive. Yet, I've never really felt like it's home either.

"Home" became even fuzzier when a lot of Joel's friends moved away and the twinkle in his eye at the mention of doing the same began to brighten. Now I'm "home" from vacation, on the first summer break I've ever had without a job, all the free time in the world, and I don't really feel like I'm home.

I think of "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?" except I think of all my ladies who are so far away. I love them and always will--but where have all my favorite females gone to? Have they discovered what "home" really is? I can name one from each point in my life that is now far, far away.

In high school there was no question of what is home. In middle school, elementary school, even when I moved from my childhood home to Fayetteville there was no question of where "home" was--it was with my family. This summer I am going to have so much time to do what I want. It will be fun. It will be wonderful. It will be amazing and sun-filled and I can't wait; however, I'm a little anxious. All these things are great and I am one lucky little bitch; but when will my image of home become clearer?

Pivotal shmivotal this summer will be for learning.



MISS YOU KARE BEAR!